In my years of working with married couples, I have found this to be true. If you were not a happy person before you got married, marriage won’t make you happy. If you’re married and your happiness and joy are not inbuilt, marriage will not magically make you happy.
- Marriage magnifies what you have internally
Many times, individuals are expecting their spouses or partners to be the source of their happiness. As a result of this, when our loved ones hurt us or something goes wrong in the relationship, our lives seem like it’s over and everything shuts down. You need to remember that you as an individual are responsible for your happiness and joy.
Your partner comes as an addition and not a source. When we make our spouses or partners our source of happiness, we become like parasites who take and don’t give back in return. So, what do we do if we find out that we’re not inherently happy and have been draining our spouses?
- Cultivate an honest and deliberate relationship with God
The source of your joy and happiness should really be God. Speak to Him about how you’re feeling. Ask Him to fill you up and bring you to a place of joy and contentment in Him. You need to deal with the areas of hurt and baggage, if any. Ask God for healing and see a therapist if you find out you’re struggling.
- Do a self-examination to find out what is really making you unhappy
- Go on a self-discovery journey
Who are you? What do you like? What makes you happy? What brings you joy? What needs to stay in your life? What needs to go??
- Examine your relationships.
Who are the people around you? Are they healthy for your mental state of mind? Have you been draining them also? How can you be a better friend?
- Do something new and different.
Dig up old hobbies. Take time to cultivate what really makes you happy and brings you joy. Engage the real you!
- Speak to your spouse or partner
Let them know how you’ve been struggling and ways you would need his or help. Ask for forgiveness for ways you’ve been demanding and let them know areas they’ve hurt you. See if you can start on a clean state going forward.
One of the secrets to happiness is first being happy yourself. Start that journey today.
